Rock retractions revisited

A few weeks ago the #RockRetractions meme was all the rage on Twitter. I had a great time with it, though by now you'd never be able to find my contributions, owing to the ephemeral nature of the medium.

However I did have the foresight to save them as I wrote them, so here they are once more, all in one place and in chronological order. Enjoy.

  1. Hey Jude. Know what? I've been thinking about this for a while: do what you want. Who am I to tell you what you should do?
  2. S-S-S-Somebody else's Sharona.
  3. Lessor of a lonely heart because of the great finance terms. They threw in matching floor mats, too.
  4. You can try, Miss Lizzie, but I have really good equilibrium.
  5. Strawberry Fields for five more minutes, then straight up to bed!
  6. Sorry, Beethoven. You don't have to get up after all. I didn't see that Tchaikovsky is already on Google News. My bad.
  7. We just took a vote on it in the kitchen and decided that we are going to take it after all. 
  8. Hey, Peter. What's happening? If you could just go ahead and stop thinking about tomorrow, that'd be greeeeaaaat. #lumbergh
  9. Welcomed as Liberators on Main Street.
  10. "Can you hear me Major Tom?" [click] "Yeah. Sorry; I had the batteries in backwards."
  11. We're going to do our darndest to rock you, but we can't make you any promises, okay?
  12. Maybe I was being a little harsh just then. After some reflection I have decided that I will do what you tell me.
  13. Two out of three kinda blows.
  14. Actually this *is* a party. It's a disco. Just be careful, because there's bound to be a lot of fooling around in here.
  15. Sgt. Pepper's Don't Ask Don't Tell Band
  16. Tenth Avenue Meltdown
  17. She blinded me with creationism!
  18. Found my religion! It was in the pocket of my Phillies hoodie the whole time. I hadn't worn it since that game last May.
  19. Disheveled, cranky people.
  20. Sir! Drop the electrodes and step away from the monkey! Do it now!
  21. I hate to admit it, but it is kinda fun sometimes being an illegal alien.
  22. I wouldn't mind working right about now. The drums can wait.
  23. Aborted in the USA
  24. Q: War. What is it good for? A: Halliburton.
  25. All I did was give the sheriff a wedgie.
  26. Okay Sally, time to get up. My arms fell asleep.
  27. 25 or 6 to-- Wait a minute; can't find my glasses... Hard to see from here. We really should get a digital clock already.
  28. And she's leasing the stairway to Heaven with an option to own.
  29. If that diamond ring don't shine, he's going to find the receipt and bring it back for a full refund or maybe an exchange.
  30. I just figured out my cruise control. I should be able to drive 55 pretty consistently from now on.
  31. Dude looks like Justin Bieber.
  32. Okay, let's try this again: walk THAT way!
  33. Scientists at the Hagar Institute confirm the discovery of yet another way to rock, bringing the total to 17.
  34. Stroke someone else. I'm spent.
  35. Should I stay or should I go--or should I just grab a nosh and come back in about an hour?
  36. It's called Irritable Bowel Syndrome and it's not fun, so I would appreciate it if you would stop calling me "The Breeze".
  37. Having a long distance relationship with disaster.
  38. Hell Bent for Polyester.
  39. Where the streets all have names, but they're really twisty and stuff, so you might want to bring your GPS.
  40. Satellite of benign tolerance.
  41. Lunch Rush at The Oasis.
  42. The high cost of a good divorce lawyer will keep us together.
  43. If you don't know me by now, I can stick around for maybe another ten minutes, but that's it.
  44. Let It Clot.
  45. Since you already know Peggy Sue, then I guess it's safe to assume that you know exactly why I feel blue.
  46. Welcome back my friends to the show that has a 15 minute intermission between acts 1 and 2. 50/50 tickets will be sold.
  47. Everyone around the world: current data suggests that you are not yet ready for a brand new beat. Sorry.
  48. Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man! Knock it off!
  49. I really wanted an old drug. Y'mind checking in the back one more time?
  50. I *am* going to keep on loving you, baby. I just need a few minutes, that's all.
  51. The Magical Mystery Tour just passed right by your house. Didn't even slow down or anything.
  52. We're gonna rock *that* town instead.
  53. It's a girl, Mrs. Walker. It's a girl.
  54. Not saying a word about my generation.
  55. Four born in Ohio.
  56. Well hello, Mr. Soul. I've come to see if you have planned for your future and the future of your loved ones.
  57. Maybe I'm amazed at the way you never return my calls.
  58. Rock Me, Ahmadinejad
  59. By the time we got to Woodstock the place was like a pig sty! Feh!
  60. Sometimes all I need is the air that I breathe. And this ash tray. And this paddle game. That's all I need.
  61. You are refreshingly modest. I'd bet that you couldn't care less who this song is about, could you?
  62. It's not such a long way to the top after all. I had my GPS set for kilometers instead of miles. Oops!
  63. My my, hey hey. Rock and roll is here for the time being, but will eventually fade into relative obscurity.
  64. Mississippi Queen, let me try to explain myself one more time...
  65. Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother, you're dead meat.
  66. Walk Like a Chasidum.
  67. Please, baby--only go part of the way. It feels kinda weird being with you here tonight.
  68. "What's the matter with the car I'm driving?" "Nothing, really. Lots of leg room, decent gas mileage, cupholders..."
  69. No, I don't feel like you do. I'm actually going to lie down for a little while, if that's okay.
  70. No, I don't feel like you do--but thanks for asking. Such a nice boy. Tell your mother I said hello, would you?
  71. I think that maybe it's time for me to play Sun City. Who's with me?
  72. My love does it "well"? Are you sure about that?
  73. When you were young and your heart was a cold, black pit of despair, crying out for the sweet release of death...
  74. Nobody does it better. Except--remember our vacation in Cabo when I was *really* late for dinner that one night?
  75. Might as well face it--you're working the plan.
  76. I'm staying firmly on the rails on this most sensible of trains.
  77. Lookin' for fun and feeling kinda gassy.
  78. I got your fortunate son RIGHT HERE!!!
  79. Nothing in the way she does anything attracts me in the least.
  80. I have no idea why they call it the blues. Can I use my lifeline?
  81. I would walk a couple of miles, then drive the other 498.
  82. Gimme three steps, then close your eyes and count to ten.
  83. Journeyman of Puppets.
  84. What's new, Snoop Doggy Dogg? Whoa whoa whoa!
  85. I've seen *some* good people turn their heads each day, but I'm not satisfied. I'm staying put.
  86. Take me out, coach. I am SO not ready to play today.
  87. We are the sultans of pre-renaissance antiphonal choir music.
  88. Maggie May, I can't even look at you right now. We'll talk later.
  89. You're in my heart, you're in my soul, you're on my dress, Mr. President. Want your cigar back?
  90. Your honor, my client denies ever meeting "her" in a club down in old Soho.